Have you ever made up your mind to go on a walk and enjoy the bright day and fresh air and then suddenly, the clouds just get thick and then it starts raining, sometimes, it doesn’t even get thick at all, it just starts raining. Marriage can be like this, dating too. It starts beautiful and at some point gets ugly. Good news is that you can make it all beautiful again. Every relationship has its ups and downs, and just because you’re not acting like a couple of love birds doesn’t mean you’re going through a marriage crisis. So how do you know if you’re going through a particularly hard moment? There are certain signs you should keep an eye out for. Once you’ve ascertained that you are experiencing a crisis in your marriage, don’t run too quickly to the divorce option.
TRY THE FOLLOWING FIRST:
- Be conscious of timing, location and approach – Finding the right place and situation to talk about your worries with your husband/wife is essential. Nagging about problems after a long and stressful work day is not productive or wise because you both are tired and may not in the best of moods.
- Keep it positive – Laugh and the world will laugh with you, cry and you’ll cry alone. Stay positive, don’t over think or assume and never let yourself overload the situation with negative vibes and a pessimistic attitude, as it won’t help. Indeed, the best way to see the bright side is to look at it. Rather than focusing on everything that’s wrong in the relationship think of all the great things that you might have forgotten.
- Be generous and selfless – Moments of crises are moments when extra effort is required and marriage crisis is no different. So prepare to undergo a period during which you will have to give more than you normally do, whether that’s love, attention, space or time. Patience is one of the best allies to fight this battle against whatever problem your marriage is facing.
- Listen, understand and avoid assumptions – Don’t close yourself. Don’t rush to conclusions or reject your spouse just because they’re rejecting you. If they’ve told you they’re unsure whether they want to keep being with you or not, look for reasons, listen to them and try to put yourself in their shoes. In a word, be understanding and objective, which doesn’t mean endure everything, but it’s the best way to analyze the problem and find solutions. The worst thing you can do is to raise a wall. If speaking is a problem, a good idea is to both make a list of the things you don’t like about the other’s behavior and take turns to read your thoughts on it.
- Don’t get too needy – Show them that you are the same independent man/woman you were at the beginning of your relationship and that this is something that will never change. This will take some pressure off your spouse shoulders and will give them some space in order to think freely
- Relight the fire – Try to spice up your routine as much as you can. Pretend you are dating again. It will be fun and it will make you remember why you liked each other in the first place. Another great idea to relight the fire is to rent a holiday home away from the everyday routine and also to have some time together to help remind each other why you decided to tie the knot. Quiet and snugly situations are always the best way to face problems and find solutions.
If the previous advice fails the best thing to do is to seek a marriage counselor. Keep in mind that some relationship problems are difficult to be solved, especially those that involve physical and/or verbal violence or infidelity, though this doesn’t mean that all is lost. Hard work, love, respect, commitment, understanding and many more are antidotes to relationship crisis.
DON’T THINK DIVORCE, THINK RENAISSANCE!!!
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