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How to Get Through a Marriage Crisis

Have you ever made up your mind to go on a walk and enjoy the bright day and fresh air and then suddenly, the clouds just get thick and then it starts raining, sometimes, it doesn’t even get thick at all, it just starts raining. Marriage can be like this, dating too. It starts beautiful and at some point gets ugly. Good news is that you can make it all beautiful again. Every relationship has its ups and downs, and just because you’re not acting like a couple of love birds doesn’t mean you’re going through a marriage crisis. So how do you know if you’re going through a particularly hard moment? There are certain signs you should keep an eye out for. Once you’ve ascertained that you are experiencing a crisis in your marriage, don’t run too quickly to the divorce option.

 

TRY THE FOLLOWING FIRST:

 

  • Be conscious of timing, location and approach – Finding the right place and situation to talk about your worries with your husband/wife is essential. Nagging about problems after a long and stressful work day is not productive or wise because you both are tired and may not in the best of moods.
  • Keep it positive – Laugh and the world will laugh with you, cry and you’ll cry alone. Stay positive, don’t over think or assume and never let yourself overload the situation with negative vibes and a pessimistic attitude, as it won’t help. Indeed, the best way to see the bright side is to look at it. Rather than focusing on everything that’s wrong in the relationship think of all the great things that you might have forgotten.
  • Be generous and selfless – Moments of crises are moments when extra effort is required and marriage crisis is no different. So prepare to undergo a period during which you will have to give more than you normally do, whether that’s love, attention, space or time. Patience is one of the best allies to fight this battle against whatever problem your marriage is facing.
  • Listen, understand and avoid assumptions – Don’t close yourself. Don’t rush to conclusions or reject your spouse just because they’re rejecting you. If they’ve told you they’re unsure whether they want to keep being with you or not, look for reasons, listen to them and try to put yourself in their shoes. In a word, be understanding and objective, which doesn’t mean endure everything, but it’s the best way to analyze the problem and find solutions. The worst thing you can do is to raise a wall. If speaking is a problem, a good idea is to both make a list of the things you don’t like about the other’s behavior and take turns to read your thoughts on it.
  • Don’t get too needy – Show them that you are the same independent man/woman you were at the beginning of your relationship and that this is something that will never change. This will take some pressure off your spouse shoulders and will give them some space in order to think freely
  • Relight the fire – Try to spice up your routine as much as you can. Pretend you are dating again. It will be fun and it will make you remember why you liked each other in the first place. Another great idea to relight the fire is to rent a holiday home away from the everyday routine and also to have some time together to help remind each other why you decided to tie the knot. Quiet and snugly situations are always the best way to face problems and find solutions.

 

Sometimes the origin of the problem might be the foundation. Find out THE FOUNDATION OF ANY RELATIONSHIP 1 & 2.

 

If the previous advice fails the best thing to do is to seek a marriage counselor. Keep in mind that some relationship problems are difficult to be solved, especially those that involve physical and/or verbal violence or infidelity, though this doesn’t mean that all is lost. Hard work, love, respect, commitment, understanding and many more are antidotes to relationship crisis.

 

DON’T THINK DIVORCE, THINK RENAISSANCE!!!

 

If you enjoyed this, then you might enjoy other write ups by Sade Adebayo.

– Exercising Tips for People Working From Home

– Great Wedding Proposal Ideas

– How to Dress for Success

 

Guest writer,

Sade Adebayo.

 

THE FOUNDATION OF ANY RELATIONSHIP 2

Hi beautiful people, its another weekend. Thank God its friday. We will continue our discussion on helpful tips to improve relationships. If you missed the first part click THE FOUNDATION OF ANY RELATIONSHIP

To harness the be best out of any relationship and to build solid relationships with our family, friends, lovers etc. you have to build yourself first.

  • Be consistent. Some weaknesses are born out of bad habits. Letting go of bad habits take consistency and strong will. No habit is innate (inborn). Every habit was picked up in one way or the other. We are all responsible for our habits whether good or bad. Constant repetition births a habit. Bad habits are easy to develop but difficult to live with. Practice good habits. We do not need miracles we need better habits.
  • Write down your dreams and Goals. This gives you a sense of direction and inspires you. It gives you a reason for constant communion with self. If you do not know where you are going, you will be unable to get there.
  • Define yourself and standards. Know what you should and shouldn’t do. Where to be found and where not to be found, the kind of friends to keep etc. if you lack standards (S.I units), no one will place a value on you or identify your placement. You’ll be just another floating number. A very random one.
  • Understand your personality and let it shine through. Your personality is a distinguishing factor that is unique to you alone.
  • Be confident in yourself. Trust yourself and believe in yourself. Trust strengthens marriages, friendships, etc. and will definitely strengthen self love.
  • Never let people define or discourage you. No matter what you do people will always criticize. Accept good criticism and discard the chaff. Live for yourself and not for people. Life is too short to waste trying to please people. See gossips as jobless but necessary publicist with the duty of increasing the world’s knowledge of you.
  • Have positive dialogue with yourself. Think positive thoughts. You are who you think you are. Counter and dispel negative thinking. You will never rise above the image you have of yourself.
  • Don’t let your pasts or mistakes define you. Learn from your mistakes and past experiences, don’t wallow in self pity or hide in its shadow. Your mistakes should strengthen your innovative capacity. Think up new ways of doing things.  Your pasts should motivate and challenge you. Be better so you can save people the stress of making the same mistakes you’ve made. Inspire someone to be a success with your success with your success story.
  • Speak to your hearing. When you speak, hear and believe something, you unconsciously walk and work towards it. The more you hear and say a thing, the easier it is to believe and embody it. Speak words to strengthen yourself.
  • Eliminate atelophobia. Atelophobia is the fear of not being good enough or imperfection or  an extreme fear of failing to achieve perfection. ELIMINATE IT!!!
  • Complement yourself and acknowledge yourself when you do something good.
  • Take yourself out on a treat.

Most importantly, I THINK YOU ARE AWESOME, DON’T FORGET THAT!!!

Practice the following and watch the quality of your relationships elevate. Have an awesome weekend.

Photo credits: David Adelakun (Taiwo Adelakun Photography)

Model: Ojiyovbi Ebasa

Love,

Einsteinette.

THE FOUNDATION OF ANY RELATIONSHIP

Hello people, how are you doing today?

Was thinking about writing on relationships and I thought it would be terrible to talk about relationships without addressing the bedrock of relationships:

YOU!!!

Most often we get caught up in building our relationships with others that we forget to build relationship with self. The relationship you have with yourself is the foundation of any kind of relationship with anyone else. You cannot totally love and accept someone if you do not love and accept yourself first.  You cannot have a good relationship with people if you do not have a good relationship with yourself first.

HOW DO YOU BUILD A SOLID REALATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF?

The beautiful thing about any kind of relationship is that, it is built and developed constantly. The quality of your foundation determines if it will collapse or stand, how long it will stand and what kind of building you’ll have (If it will be a bungalow, storey building, sky scraper, etc.). To improve your relationship with yourself, do the following:

  • Make a decision to have a strong relationship with yourself.  Every advancement in every field of life starts with a decision. Actions and decisions, no matter how seemingly insignificant strengthen or break relationships.
  • Be determined. Have a strong will and stick to that decision.
  • Write down your flaws and strengths
  • Focus on your strengths. This will help you see the good in yourself and help your esteem.
  • Bear in mind that everyone else has flaws and weaknesses. Stop beating yourself up about yours. Quit being too hard on yourself. The first step to solving a problem is, identifying that problem. You know your flaws and that puts you a step closer to your solution.
  • Convert your weaknesses into areas of development until they transform into strengths. We are humans, born in imperfection with imperfections but this doesn’t limit us. Strife for perfection. Don’t get comfortable with your weaknesses.  When measured on the perfection bar, ensure you are closer to perfection than imperfection.
  • Remember that Rome was not built in a day, nothing good comes easy. The metamorphosis may be slow but the outcome will eventually be beautiful. The butterfly never starts life as a butterfly, it passes through many preparatory and stages and eventually comes out beautiful

To be continued…

Practice makes perfect and assures improvement. Practice the following and watch your relationship with yourself and others take a new dimension.

Photo credits: David Adelakun (Taiwo Adelakun Photography)

Model: Ojiyovbi Ebasa

Love, 

Einsteinette.