INSTANT SEARCH

The lifestyle and business blog with personality

Tag Archives:
divorce

WHO DO I CHOOSE? 3

 

Hi,

We are finally at the last past of this post. If you missed out on the first and second part, Click,

WHO DO I CHOOSE?

WHO DO I CHOOSE? 2

*                                                              *                                                                  *

…My dad lost interest in his marriage to Maureen 4 years later and started seeking another divorce and appealed that the child should be sent to Susanne, my mum’s best friend as my mother wasn’t in her right mental state of mind.

Susanne was a widow and had just lost her only child. The only reason she could still face the world and smile was gone. She was sad and bitter but my dad was there for her. My mum wasn’t there for her at all she did not understand why but she later found out about my mum’s mental state. The bitterness stung her deeply.  She was bitter that my mum wasn’t really there for her before all of these happened. It hurt her but I was her child in a way and it was her duty to take care of me. She saw it as God’s compensation for her lost daughter. She took care of me for 12 years.

My dad and Lauryn made up but he died a year after, willing all his assets to me. He funded my education, my feeding, everything while he was alive and paid Susanne to care for me and still left money to continue paying for my needs in the future after his death . We took out of it to pay my wedding planner. What can I say? He is a rich dude.  Lauryn came back searching for me immediately she was released  from asylum.  Maureen couldn’t bear a child and she came back searching for me. My mum Susanne and I were planning my wedding last year when my Lauryn came in and I remembered her face, her songs, her love… I knew her, I had missed her, I was moved to tears but then Susanne was still my mum and Maureen came that same month to apologize…

It’s the 15th of February, 2014, 4:00 am to be precise they’ll be here in 2 hours to dress me up for the wedding. Who should I call mum? Who should I let hand me over to my husband to be? Who would I introduce my kids to as their grandmother?

My Biological mum, the egg donor and my father’s ex wife and the woman that looked out for me for 4 years.  – Maureen,

or

My Legal mum , my father’s first wife, who paid for all the processes and initiate the idea of my conception, took care of me through the formative parts of my life, went crazy when she lost me, and lost her marriage for me.   – Lauryn

or

My surrogate mum, my mother’s best friend, a widow, the woman that carried me in her womb, breast fed me and still nurtured me for 12years – Susanne

Help me…

If you were me, who would you choose?

Who deserves to be adorned with the word mother?

Was it morally right or wrong?

Was Lauryn wrong for wanting a child?

Was it wrong for my dad to wanCategoriest to feel the love he missed and could get somewhere else?

Was it wrong that Maureen needed money for her student loans to be settled and she had to donate eggs to the hospital for women like Lauryn who could not conceive?

Was it wrong for Susanne to want to help her best friend, fill the void she felt after losing her child?, was it wrong to collect money for her “motherly services”?

Who was at fault?

I do not have answers to any of these questions. I’m hoping that you do.

The best answer would be the perfect ending to this story.

 

Love,

Einsteinette.

How to Get Through a Marriage Crisis

Have you ever made up your mind to go on a walk and enjoy the bright day and fresh air and then suddenly, the clouds just get thick and then it starts raining, sometimes, it doesn’t even get thick at all, it just starts raining. Marriage can be like this, dating too. It starts beautiful and at some point gets ugly. Good news is that you can make it all beautiful again. Every relationship has its ups and downs, and just because you’re not acting like a couple of love birds doesn’t mean you’re going through a marriage crisis. So how do you know if you’re going through a particularly hard moment? There are certain signs you should keep an eye out for. Once you’ve ascertained that you are experiencing a crisis in your marriage, don’t run too quickly to the divorce option.

 

TRY THE FOLLOWING FIRST:

 

  • Be conscious of timing, location and approach – Finding the right place and situation to talk about your worries with your husband/wife is essential. Nagging about problems after a long and stressful work day is not productive or wise because you both are tired and may not in the best of moods.
  • Keep it positive – Laugh and the world will laugh with you, cry and you’ll cry alone. Stay positive, don’t over think or assume and never let yourself overload the situation with negative vibes and a pessimistic attitude, as it won’t help. Indeed, the best way to see the bright side is to look at it. Rather than focusing on everything that’s wrong in the relationship think of all the great things that you might have forgotten.
  • Be generous and selfless – Moments of crises are moments when extra effort is required and marriage crisis is no different. So prepare to undergo a period during which you will have to give more than you normally do, whether that’s love, attention, space or time. Patience is one of the best allies to fight this battle against whatever problem your marriage is facing.
  • Listen, understand and avoid assumptions – Don’t close yourself. Don’t rush to conclusions or reject your spouse just because they’re rejecting you. If they’ve told you they’re unsure whether they want to keep being with you or not, look for reasons, listen to them and try to put yourself in their shoes. In a word, be understanding and objective, which doesn’t mean endure everything, but it’s the best way to analyze the problem and find solutions. The worst thing you can do is to raise a wall. If speaking is a problem, a good idea is to both make a list of the things you don’t like about the other’s behavior and take turns to read your thoughts on it.
  • Don’t get too needy – Show them that you are the same independent man/woman you were at the beginning of your relationship and that this is something that will never change. This will take some pressure off your spouse shoulders and will give them some space in order to think freely
  • Relight the fire – Try to spice up your routine as much as you can. Pretend you are dating again. It will be fun and it will make you remember why you liked each other in the first place. Another great idea to relight the fire is to rent a holiday home away from the everyday routine and also to have some time together to help remind each other why you decided to tie the knot. Quiet and snugly situations are always the best way to face problems and find solutions.

 

Sometimes the origin of the problem might be the foundation. Find out THE FOUNDATION OF ANY RELATIONSHIP 1 & 2.

 

If the previous advice fails the best thing to do is to seek a marriage counselor. Keep in mind that some relationship problems are difficult to be solved, especially those that involve physical and/or verbal violence or infidelity, though this doesn’t mean that all is lost. Hard work, love, respect, commitment, understanding and many more are antidotes to relationship crisis.

 

DON’T THINK DIVORCE, THINK RENAISSANCE!!!

 

If you enjoyed this, then you might enjoy other write ups by Sade Adebayo.

– Exercising Tips for People Working From Home

– Great Wedding Proposal Ideas

– How to Dress for Success

 

Guest writer,

Sade Adebayo.