A while ago, I said FEMINISM WAS OVERRATED, not unnecessary but overrated. Why do I think it is necessary? Asides the obvious victimization of women in the early days, I think true feminism transcends beyond women.
Feminism should be a fight for male and females but done under the umbrella of women as mothers and future mothers. Women fighting for the mutual respect for both sexes. Women fighting not just for the women but for the men. Whether or not we like it, the fight for feminism has been taken up by some ignorant people as an excuse to be disrespectful to the men. Feminism at the moment (for those who truly understand the cause like Chimamanda Adiche, Michelle Obama, Omotola Jalade Ekeinde, etc.) includes seeking to establish equal opportunities for women in education and employment. The question is, when you establish this, do you teach the women what to do to keep those opportunities or make it worthwhile.
I feel sometimes that it was the struggle to get these opportunities that made women value their opportunities, make the best of it and be exceptional. People like Oprah, Condoleezza Rice, Chimamanda, Genevieve and many others are good examples. I respect the rights of women but while you are teaching the women to fight for their rights, teach them to have respect for the men too. Respect is not expressed by kneeling down every morning to greet your husband, it transcends beyond that. As a matter of fact respect is not determined by that. Respect is expressed via spoken and unspoken words, visible and invisible actions. Simple things like understanding the concept of boundaries, privacy, opinions, perspectives, office hierarchy, etc. are ways of showing mutual respect.
The feminism I stand for demands mutual respect for both genders, meaning none should be preferred over the other. It also demands that people should be judged based on competences not gender. You know very well that there are some job positions that demand your attention at all times and if a married woman is given this position and she gets pregnant, maternity/post-natal leave is necessary and the company would not want to disturb her because they understand how important it is for her to take care of herself or her new born child but the company suffers especially if she is difficult to replace. Another issue that arises is that of married women and jobs that require you to work late at night or directly with a male boss. Would your husband be comfortable with it? Can you handle the pressure? What about your kids? Sometimes as a single lady, you may be faced with sexual assault if special liking is taken towards you as a result of the very long hours you and your boss spend together working on projects daily. These are the things companies evaluate in their head before putting out vacancies and specifying the preferred gender. Sometimes it’s all in the interest of the woman.
If you are exceptional however, codes could be broken for you and the way you present yourself would also determine how you would be treated. Don’t use your seduction power to get a job because you’d never be truly valued (except sexually of course and that will never last). Reject sexual advances too. If you are truly good at what you do, it will be the company’s loss not yours. If you are not good enough find a way to improve yourself. Be relevant. Your gender is not an issue if you are good, excellent or exceptional at your chosen field.
While you are busy fighting for your rights to everything, think of your kids and ask yourself, what would be my standpoint if I gave birth to sons and daughters? How we are now, is based on how we grew up. Charity begins at home. If Ikenna (your son) is carrying 40Litres of water give Nkechi (your daughter) 40Litres of water to carry too. They’ll both grow up knowing that no one is weaker or more important than the other . Teach them respect for elders. Stop the whole “male-child” craze. People like Oprah, Beyonce and many more have taught us that you do not have to be a male child to pass the family name on. Teach your sons how to treat a woman and your daughter how to treat a man. While you’re fighting to secure the rights of women, fight for the men too. Treat people as individuals not as “gender-specific beings”.
Women are strong and we do not have to prove this to anyone, even the men.
Most importantly, RESPECT YOURSELF and be RESPECT WORTHY. If you are, people will respect you. Only you can teach people how to treat you.
PS: This post is for men and women.
Love,
Einsteinette.
Blessing Abeng 
This is one of the best articles on feminism I’ve read in recent times. Accurate, straight to the point and informative.
Blessing I’m proud of you, haven’t read your work in a while but this is impressive!
You go girl!
Thank you Isys.
Its funny how that we have created for ourselves; an imperfect system. We celebrate our intellectual framework and inventions, but we have failed to look beyond our “accomplishments”. Stories of creation paints our individual roles – particularly from the religious context…the big bang theory still questionable. But despite our blurred foresights, there is HOPE( MDG’s gender equality initiative). I believe every individual should stand for what he/she believes. We are created equally distinct, but to complement one another. So, we all have to stand and work, shun the idea of supremacy and change the standards of our actions. Let’s embrace
the idea of equality and ultimately make significant progress. Einsteinette well-done. Stay inspired.
I am of the opinion that we should stop focusing on equality and all, and focus on impact.
This gorgeous lady is really a priceless work of earth. ..I was so inspired and informed by this piece
Thank you Othman.
Awwww this is so nice and educating. I actually picked a lot from this writeup….. Go girl…U rock
Thank Beauty
Great piece! With realistic examples!
Thanks Chizzy. Do good to spread the word
Well said. I think what you said on competence can also apply directly to political appointments. We should always put competence at the back of our minds before screaming gender equality mantras. It doesn’t make sense having 40% women representation in government when 25% can’t put in all it takes because they also have to keep their homes together. We should ask for total service delivery from people regardless of their gender or even tribe. #DeepThoughts
Politically, the competence level of a male or female determines if he deserves any post. People should be judged based on competence not gender.
Very good piece. Touches on some very important issues of the feminism concept. I’ve often wondered what the main goal for feminism was. I never got into talking about it to avoid backlash from acclaimed “feminists” who don’t seem to get the idea of the concept. Just like you highlighted, its supposed to be more about opportunities to make impact than equality because the truth is it nigh impossible for both sexes to be truly equal. I’m a staunch supporter of “whoever can do the job should handle it” regardless of age, sex, tribe or race. I hope more feminists can read this and understand the true concept and idea behind feminism.
You have a point. The same ideology should be applied to the concept of racism. Obama proved himself capable and never did he ask anyone to vote for him because he was black. He said he could do the job and he proved it with his time of service and he got the votes he deserved.
What more do I say about your informative writes. I so fell in love with this RESPECT YOURSELF and be RESPECT WORTHY. If you are, people will respect you.
Learned alot.. More grease
I love this article because it reminds us of the real idea of feminism not what people are turning it into these days.
Women need to accept their roles and work them to perfection. If you’re a mother, raise your children; whether boys or girls to understand the other gender and respect them for who they are.
Fighting against men won’t help women. It will only make them disrespect us even more.
We should learn to be confident as women and be respected based on our merit.
Refuse to be abused and beaten down.
Be strong. Be proud. Enjoy being in your own skin.
Remember this if you want to be equal to the man, expect to be treated like a man.
Lots of truth in this comment. Thank you Oje.
Awesome piece. Thank you for sharing this. Painful that people still use “Feminism” as a cover up and still lack respectable character.
Yeah. The ignorant feminist but I am glad that there are women championing the cause that know what they are doing. I just think everyone should see people as they are and leave gender or race out of it.
“Competence not gender” not tribe nor religion. That really goes a distance is solving most of our problems as a people. All rings the bell for improvement. Thanks
Total truth spoken. Thanks Osas.
This is a brilliant piece of work. This is a very big hit from an unbiased mind, coming at a very good timing to correct the bad notion in some females who take pride in weaknesses and incompetencies. Keep it up Ms. Blessing, keep telling them to be strong, only that sometimes y’all need to show it *winks