So you currently met this beautiful girl called Kenny, who was hot and classy with a big booty and the world stopped. You loved how she talked and looked. You couldn’t stop thinking about her. Suddenly Emem’s face seemed to fade from your memory. You remember how you felt when you first met Emem and suddenly meeting Kenny made you throw all of that out the window. You thought you’d love Emem forever but for some reason seeing Kenny made you feel like you only loved Emem out of habit and your next thought is to break up with Emem and make it work with Kenny. Suddenly everything she does pisses you off. You break up with her for flimsy reasons like, she boiled the wrong egg and fried the wrong egg or she did not put capital letter while pronouncing your name. Ok, I am exaggerating but you know what I mean, you come up with flimsy reasons to break up with her (girls are very guilty of this too..).

Few months after dating Kenny, you realize that it’s not what you hoped it will be. It’s nothing compared to the 2 years you’ve spent with Emem.

This story clicked in my head when my friend, Tee Abraham said “I still wonder why some people see what they actually need in someone and still treat them like shit and dump them.”

This led us to a lengthy conversation and I have decided to share it with you because many of us have been victims of this or the initiators of this kind of situation and weirdly those exes always come back and try to win a place in our lives after realizing they’ve messed up. Some are so funny, they actually break up with you because it gives them a better shot with the person they have eyes on, if they are decent enough not to cheat on you.

A lot of times, we ignore what we need for what we want, just like people starve to buy superficial things. It could also be as a result of the 80/20 principle. You have a person that you love and find 80% of what your mental-list-needs in a woman and complements you but she lacks 20% which make up her flaws. You somehow find the missing 20% in someone else and because you’ve been too busy focusing on the flaws of the first, this new person feels like the flawless angel. It feels like this person is all you’ve ever wanted and you throw away your 80% and jump to the 20%. After a while, the scales fall out of your eyes and you realize what you had, you feel empty and begin to miss the 80%. 3 things happen at this point, you either decide to stick with the 20 and be miserable out of pride, leave the 20 and not return to the 80 out of shame or go back to the 80 like a prodigal son.

Think hard before you leave what you had. If you are not satisfied in your relationship, look inward and be sure the problem is not you.

Love,

Einsteinette.